When Your Naked Housekeeping Fantasy Goes Bad, Don't Blame Christian Mingle: OMGPD

Two boys arrested at 'Larry Flynt Middle School,' a smoking hot mess in the street and a chihuahua napper this week in the annals of Chicagoland crime-n-shame.

OMGPD, a collection of Patch Chicago's weird and noteworthy crime, posts weekly.

A Very Rough Night: A Park Forest woman told a judge she wanted a "slave" to photograph her doing some naked housekeeping after a night of wine and appetizers at TGI Fridays, but the dominatrix tasked with taking pictures got way too rough, dragged her by the hair, and then ... oh, you really just have to read this one. It might be the only story you read all year that mentions both CollarMe.com and ChristianMingle.com.
» via New Lenox Patch

Larry Flynt Middle School: Two middle school boys in Barrington got a head start on a career in online porn by texting nude photos of female classmates to the rest of their school, according to police, who arrested the boys. Educators in Barrington now will host two classes for parents to teach them how to monitor their children's smartphones.
» via Barrington Patch

A Smoking Hot Mess in the Street: 
A garbage truck dumped a huge load of smoking hot garbage onto a Northbrook street after the driver noticed the trash was on fire. Firefighters put out the hot mess, then workers spent two hours cleaning the street. (And you thought this was going to be about your brother's smoking hot mess of a girlfriend, didn't you?)
» via Northbrook Patch

Yo No Quiero Prison: A man who walked into the Fuzzy Babies pet store in Joliet last year and stuffed a tiny 2-month-old chihuahua into his coat was turned in by his girlfriend's sister, who had paid $100 for the dog, valued at $2,100. He recently was sentenced to a few years in prison for chihuahua-napping.
» via Joliet Patch

I'm the Not-So-Great Pretender: A fake Chicago police captain with a fake badge and a real gun was caught with real marijuana, according to Elmhurst police, after he faked his way through a tall tale of his policemanhood with a real neighbor. Apparently, he really, really wanted to show his neighbor the gun he kept beneath his jacket. And the neighbor got really suspicious. Alas, he was adrift in a world all his own, and now faces charges of impersonating a police officer.
» via Elmhurst Patch

Mama Ain't Happy: A 23-year-old tattoo artist who bought his equipment online inked up a 15-year-old girl in a Joliet motel room, tattooing the letters P and R onto her chest. When the girl's mama found them in the motel, he ran away. When he returned, the motel-room Rembrandt told police he didn't have a tattoo license.
» via Joliet Patch

$3 and a Cloud of Fuss: A woman caught swiping price tags on a decorative bowl at the Orland Park Goodwill store, according to police, told officers they were "stupid" to detain her over the attempt to jilt the Goodwill out of $3. She might've been let off without charges if not for her bad attitude about the whole thing.
» via Orland Park Patch

The Last Straw: A woman banned from the Extended Stay America in Elmhurst was arrested and charged with possession of drug paraphernalia because police found a straw on her. The woman listed the Extended Stay America in Elmhurst as her residence.
» via Elmhurst Patch

Good News! Chicago River Rescue: An Evergreen Park man crossing a Chicago River bridge joined others in helping to rescue a woman in the river. Watch the rescue and hear his story.
» via Evergreen Park Patch

More Good News! 5-Year-Old and His Dad Plucked Off a Mountain: A Glenview boy and his dad were stranded near the summit of Camelback Mountain in Arizona, but a helicopter helped them get off the rocky face of the mountain. Watch the video.
» via Glenview Patch

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