I took our brand new preschool graduate to the pediatrician for his five-year check up last week, and the doctor said that the main concern at his age is safety. He questioned the child: Doctor: What do we do when we first get in the car? Child: We buckle up! Doctor: Good, that’s correct. Now, what do we do if a stranger asks us to help him find his lost puppy? Child: We go tell an adult! Doctor: Well done! That’s exactly what we do. Now, what do we put on before we get on our bike? Dead silence. The child was stunned. He stared curiously at the doctor, his brows furrowed and then looked …

During the Depression, my grandma used to sneak into movie theaters under the cover of large groups of people. Once inside, she and her friends would break into raucous laughter, loud enough to disturb the other patrons, get kicked out by the ushers, then become indignant and demand “their money” back from the theater manager. I filled up the gas tank the other day and it reminded me of this story of my grandmother's. It has nothing to do with gas; nor does gas, at least as it pertains to automobiles, have anything to do with my grandmother—she never drove a car in her life. I find myself …

In just the last two days of warm(ish) weather, we've had one little friend let herself in by the garage door, when the resident boys weren't even here--mind you--just to poop. With the bathroom door open. She lives next door. Others have come by to help themselves to bikes out of the garage, and still others have stopped by just for a peek in the pantry. I've always wanted to have a home where all of the kids' friends feel welcome. The open-door, who-cares-if-it's-a-mess type of house where everyone knows they can come and take a minute to catch their breath, grab a drink of water or get a …

I recently read a column on another Patch site written by a mother who took her toddler to a "mommy-and-me" class and came home with a headache. Because of the behavior of some of the other children in the class, when it was over, she says, she needed a drink. She lays out her parenting qualifications as follows: 1) she was in her late 30s when she had her first child, 2) she babysat a lot as a kid, and 3) she has read a lot of parenting books. She has one son, and this was evidently their first class together. She writes that while her son was good, some of the other children at the class …

Madeline Hauser had a rough year. Amid all of the upheaval that is adolescence, the awkwardness, the insecurity, the bevy of change that accompanies the metamorphosis from child- to adulthood, Madeline grew an unprecedented four inches in six months. And, according to her mother, the growth spurt has required more than just physical adjustment. "She's a 5-foot-8-inch 12-year-old. It's been hard for her to find success at something. Here, she finds succes," Madeline's mother, Shayla, says to me one Friday evening at Nova Quarter Horses in Mokena. Madeline rides breezily by in the arena, …

It took my mom a good 12 hours, start to finish. I remember it like it was yesterday. The drama. The shame. The Rid. The fine-toothed comb. My brother had cooties. When she picked him up, he was sitting sequestered in the nurse's office with head hung, gaze astray, lost in utter disbelief and total humiliation. At home, the work began. Everything got washed that day—from Barbie's hair to the stuffed animals. Coats, clothes, pillows and furniture were debugged and sterilized. By the time she was finished, my mother was exhausted. So when our neighbor told me last week that her son had been …

Jennifer Woods told me over the phone that as she sat down to dinner with her family the other night, she asked her children what they thought she should say when I would inevitably ask her why they homeschooled. Her 15-year-old son, who attends two classes, band and choir at Lincoln-Way North, told her to tell me it's because there's no one to monitor the vulgar language at the schools. “You might label us as a functionally conservative family,” she said. Conservative I am unabashedly not, nor am I accustomed to teenagers who do not revel in, or experiment with, freedom to use with their …

When I was a student (a very long time ago), typing was an elective course offered in high school. Now, mastering the keyboard is not only an essential life skill; it's practically mandatory knowledge as early as elementary school. Kids today not only need to be able to find the letters on the keyboard, but they must also know how to operate a mouse and open and close "windows." By third grade, according to MES computer lab aide Jean Young, students are using search engines, word processing software and PowerPoint. Young said that she used to start kindergarteners with keyboard familiarity …

The test prep giant Kaplan boasts better scores, guaranteed. Period. Better scores or your money back, their website says. “Tests are standardized. Your test prep shouldn't be,” imparts the slogan. The Princeton Review's Ultimate Classroom course, according to the Princeton Review, will raise your kid's SAT score by 150 points; also guaranteed. The cost of the course is $850, and the fine print states that after taking the test, if your scores do not improve by 150 points, you must then retake the course and the test and report the results again. None of these are endorsed by or developed …

The Illinois Early Learning Project lists five factors that parents should consider when choosing a preschool: teachers, curriculum, safety, happiness of the students and expected level of parental involvement. These were not exactly the factors I was looking for when I chose a preschool for my children. I would have to say cost was at the top of my list, followed...probably...by cost...and then safety and then happiness and so on. Luckily, as errant as my methods may have been, after just one year of floundering about the preschool wilderness, I stumbled onto one that fit all of our needs. …

It's the same story every morning. The boys wake up, stumble downstairs in their pajamas, each carrying their thoroughly worn-out blankets; and, with the corners of their mouths still crusty-white from last night's toothpaste, they sleepily hobble over and immediately condemn whatever it is I happen be making for breakfast. “I'm not hungry!” they inevitably insist. Or, “But I wanted cereal (or pancakes, or French toast or foie gras--anything, as long as it's not what you happen to have prepared)!” they cry. And thus the daily feeding battle begins. What the professionals consider a normal, …

Cabin fever set like a jalapeno Jell-O mold this past week. The boys are bickering, fuses are shortening, and the daily sofa-sparring is starting to frighteningly resemble a UFC match. The last few weeks of winter always seem to be the most difficult for little kids. Yesterday, when the temperature soared above a whole 40-degrees, my 4-year-old said it was “hot” out and asked if we could go to the pool. And I know he's not the only one in the neighborhood feeling the effects of cabin fever. From coloring to rearranging dresser drawers, my friend Barb Mazarakos is struggling to come up with …

If your family is anything like ours, you spend a lot of time reading with your kids. And, if you're like me, you want to let them pick out the bedtime story, but you cringe every time they select another excerpt of the 200-page Lego Star Wars: The Visual Dictionary. What books are best for children? I can't imagine anything age-appropriate being completely bad, but at the same time, some have to be better than others, not to mention a little more entertaining for parents than Lego Star Wars set descriptions. Dana Russell, head of youth services at New Lenox Public Library, said that while it…

Last March, Science Daily published an overview of the research conducted by “distinguished professor” of psychology Craig Anderson, who stated that violence in video games, across the globe and through every socio-economic status, led to an increased incidence of violence in people. Period. So “definitive” were Anderson's findings that the Iowa State University faculty member (who, in the article, sits proudly beside what appears to be an enlarged version of his published work) saw no need for further research on the matter. But then, nine months later, the same outlet reported the results …

Our family always hits a bit of a rough patch in January—it's the month we start to pass a cold around like a hot potato and alternate sick days with palliative care-giving. There's always a lot of chicken soup and Kleenex involved. Vaporizers hum throughout the night, and the scent of Vick's hangs in the dry, heat-processed air. So far, we've made it through one gastrointestinal bout, one course of antibiotics for sinusitis, three fevers, four missed school days and two bottles of children's Sudafed. If past winters are any indication, I should probably keep the chest freezer stocked with …

Now that all the gifting is over and the plastic bins are on sale everywhere, it's time to get serious about organizing. A few weeks ago I wrote about de-cluttering before the holidays, and hopefully clearing out a little beforehand will make things easier now that we all have a heap more “stuff” in the house on top of everything we already had. Clutter can destroy peace of mind and disrupt schedules and family harmony. While the home is a family's nest, as the place we go when our “real” work is over each day, it can also become a dumping ground for things we just don't know what to do with…

Editor's note: this article was originally published on Mokena Patch on Sept. 20. I was busy working the other day when my 6-year-old burst through the garage door. "There's a kid out there and he called me a (insert expletive rhyming with witch)!" he announced. Slightly stunned but nevertheless certain that now was not the time to correct his "swear," I stormed out the door, claws and fangs bared, ready to decry the audacious teenager who would dare befoul the ears of my sweet-little-honey-pot with such vulgarities. But the villain had disappeared. My son seemed no worse for wear, and so I …

I am not a supermom. I wasn't a babysitter, an aunt or a big sibling of any significance. Before our first son, I had never changed a diaper. I'm not an expert on kids. So why, then, do I write this column about parenting? I've learned a few hard lessons, that's why. And what I do know about raising kids is that it does, indeed, require a whole community. By their nature, kids force us to become part of the bigger picture. They remove isolation. No one family could take on the task of raising another emotionally and physically healthy human being by itself. No one family could expose a child …

The holiday chore I dread most is not dragging dusty boxes of ornaments out of the spidery crawl space, shopping, or even cleaning carpets for visitors.  The worst chore is making room for all of the toys that Santa and grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers and friends ship to or send home with the kids every year. While I do not begrudge them their gifts, and I'm really very thankful that we have such generous friends and family, it always seems to look like a toy packaging sweatshop around here for days (and sometimes weeks) after Christmas. On a good day our playroom looks like the …